Email is the most impersonal form of communication but also the most used form of communication. But where is the line? After; Hi, how are you?... Can I get straight to the point? Answer: YES! But one time, a few jobs ago, my boss said to me, “You sound like a bitch via email.” Wait, what? Your boss said this? Sure did! Not only that but it was said out of nowhere and in a shared office where everyone could hear. Professional, right?
At the time, I was trying to break into a new career, and this was a start-up; I’m talking like three full-time employees start-up. I assumed he was right and never said a word.
Here are 3 Things I would ask about this feedback now.
Did this feedback come with an example?
When giving negative feedback, a good manager will always have an example for you. If they don’t provide one…ask for one. The example helps you understand the feedback and what to change in the future. If, like in this case, they can’t provide one, start to question how credible this feedback is.
How was this feedback delivered?
Negative feedback shouldn’t come out of left field and hit you like a bus. Regular check-ins with your manager allow for a space where you and your manager are emotionally available to discuss feedback. If you do, in fact, sound like a bitch in emails, they can pull a few and show you where you can improve in your regular 1:1.
Would this have been said to a man?
I received feedback: “you are short and come off unfriendly .” I was emailing internally to a massive group of freelance trainers multiple events, asking them, sometimes even begging them, to take the occasions I needed volunteers. I rarely got more than “I got you” back, not kidding “I got you” that’s it.
So was my “Hi All, have these events coming up {Insert list of events and all their details}. Let me know if you can do any of them for us. Thanks!” Bitchy? Or was this projected onto me because I am a woman, and I was supposed to use ten exclamation points and five emojis whenever I spoke? Maybe I should toss in an “I’m sorry for (whichever part of my job I was doing) .” So we are clear, NEVER apologize for doing your job. That’s a different blog though.
Later on, in my career, I realized what had happened. A Man…was stunted by his thoughts that women are either; bubbly and sweet or a bitch. The feedback was unprofessional and inaccurate, with no examples to show their point. I sure hope they worked on their management skills.
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