Ghosts of Valentine’s Past

Love it or hate it, it's coming… Valentine's day. What better way to bust open the Hallmark of the holiday than confessing some of my past Valentine's? What happened, what people saw, what I felt, and most importantly, what I learned from it all.

The first guy…A girl's Dad is a tough act to follow. Although, the story with my Dad does end sadly (another blog for another time). A lot of lessons were learned from him. Growing up, on Valentine's day, all 3, because yes, I am 1 of 3 girls (insert the "your poor Dad" comment here), got a little valentine and a small box of chocolates from our Dad. My Mom got that big yellow Whitman's Sampler box of chocolates… you know the one! Which just became the family box after the 3 little girls ate ours in 5-minutes.

It was small, and for all I know, my Mom went out and got it all, but having this growing up shaped my expectations for the future; the little things matter.

The didn't do anything, guy…Too busy, too important, it's just a silly holiday. This guy, while checking every box, fun, and athletic… could never be bothered to go out of his way. He was predictable and not in a good way. As this holiday came up, I knew nothing would be for me showing up at the salon I worked at then. I would make dinner, do gifts, and go all out to make it unique, and it was exhausting when he wasn't getting it year after year.

I excused it away because it was "just a stupid made-up holiday," but it wasn't that. That guy doesn't do the little things…he doesn't do the big stuff, either.

The overcompensating guy…One year I came home to my apartment completely decorated for Valentine's day, with flowers, and my present wrapped in custom-made Harry Potter wrapping paper, custom Marvel-themed decorations LIKE WHAT?!?!. (If you didn't already know, I was a Nerd. Well, now you know). That's what IG stories saw; the decorations, a nice dinner, and custom wrapping paper. Everyone didn't know that he turned to me as I was getting sleepy in the uber at 1 am and very drunkenly said, "you would have nothing without me, nowhere to live…" That's all I heard because I immediately started seeing red (fitting for the holiday, I suppose)…He fought with me all night, and since we lived in a one-bedroom apartment, there wasn't anywhere to go.

I later found out that the gifts, surprises, and nice dinners were covering up the fact that he had a Tinder and was cheating on me. The Instagram posts were a lie and not the real story. Moral of the story; social media is fake AF, and if you are seeing all that crap, it doesn't mean their relationship is perfect big gestures aren't always what they seem.

The just right guy…stolen from one of our favorite shows Ted Lasso; if you don't watch Ted Lasso…START...IMMEDIATELY… and here is the clip…Sexy {Insert Holiday} has been our thing. We joke about it… and if you have seen the show, we have also often had to delay the holiday celebrations a few days due to our busy schedules, so it was Sexy February 18th! I got to his place and made a quick dinner and dipped some strawberries in chocolate; he bought me champagne flutes for his home since my drink of choice is usually prosecco.

That Valentine's day is when I figured out it's about being a team, giving a little something to the holiday and your relationship because your relationship should be a team effort. While we are nowhere near perfect, the relationship is themed on being a team, each other's biggest cheerleader, and when there is an issue, we both show up to work through it.

The biggest lesson I learned is the more I love myself, the higher quality my relationships become…

Give a little something to everyone who lights you up this Valentine's day! (this better include your damn self!)

Here is what I am doing:

Fun e-cards

Lots of giphys in Slack to my work folks

Telling people I love them

Giving little cards

Self-care in a workout, face mask, bubble bath, etc.