I score high in confidence on every test I take. Intense work assessments, management assessments, personality quizzes? “Is high on confidence.” The assessment my company has built in the science of resilience competencies. (ICYMI, I work for the #1 global digital resilience solution to make workforce well-being and performance) you guessed it, another top-of-the-charts confidence label connecting me within the app to mentor others in confidence.
I never spent much time dwelling on it; it felt like who I was until I spent more time discussing career goals with those around me. The conversations always landed back in the same place…A lack of confidence. Then I found a study by Zenger and Folkman in the Harvard Business Review showing women’s confidence doesn’t match men’s until their 40s, and then women’s continue to take off while men’s diminish as they age.
A lot of missed opportunities early in our Careers, ladies.
It wasn’t until I started working closely with the Psychologists, Scientists, and Content creators that I truly understood where my high confidence comes from and how it’s been inching me ahead year after year.
So if you don’t have confidence…are you “shit out of luck,” as my Dad always said?
110% No! Those people “born with it,” or so it seems, fall twice as hard when they hit their first setback later in life.
Confidence is a learned skill and can be strengthened by practicing it… here is how:
Do things that scare you
Follow the nerves, butterflies, bumble bees, whatever you call that feeling in your gut that makes you go, ehhh, that seems uncomfortable. Follow it! Confidence is grown when you do things you didn’t think you could. Take the fitness class, attend the networking event, sign up for that class, and apply for that job; the first step will already give you the momentum to believe in yourself more and more.
Check your haters
Everybody is a Monday Morning Quarterback. They have opinions and perspectives, but the truth is, they aren’t in your cleats in the arena you are in; they are on the sidelines, so can they tell you what play to make? Hell to the no! Let them talk, or my favorite, say, “when I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it.” Don’t let the sideline haters keep you from playing your game and trying something new, different, scary, etc.
Failure is the most prominent teacher.
Spoiler alter: WE ALL FAIL! The people in front of you just tried more than they failed. However, every failure gives you more confidence that you’ll get it right, and you know what not to do next time. When you inevitably fail or have a setback, the first thing to ask yourself is, “did the world end?”. Nope! Guess what that taught you? You can handle setbacks… so keep on trucking,
Take inventory of how far you have come.
A past version of you was wishing for the ability, the things, whatever it is, that you have now. Often we are so focused on where we are going we don’t look back and say to ourselves, “wow, look how far I have come.” (I am the problem; it’s me!) The small steps add up over time, and suddenly it’s been a year; you have grown in your career, started a new routine, and gotten a promotion, and you aren’t saying, “Look what I did!” which is what you need to remember when taking on the next challenge, if you can do this thing that scares you and succeed, why not the next thing?
Lucky for us, confidence isn’t just bestowed on a lucky few. It can be developed, nurtured, and grown. When in doubt, you can always use my mantra when I take on scary things “I’m going to approach this with the confidence of a Middle-Aged White man”.... You’re welcome!
Comments