We have all been there. Working late to keep up with demand, going to something you didn't want to, or spending energy on relationships that drain you. When we don't set our boundaries, we end up exhausted from a life we didn't create.
As a reformed people pleaser, it took me years and many false starts to learn how to set boundaries. When I did it at work, I would slack in my social life and vice versa. I was finally so burnt out that I set boundaries by taking these actions.
Ask yourself what works and doesn't work for you.
What does the life you want look like? What makes you happy, and what feels good for you? Be selfish here; this is your life and what YOU want.
What is making you uncomfortable or anxious? Is that situationship going on for months? If it's not a hell yes, consider it a no. Negative feelings mean it isn't for you. Let go of those things and people.
Bucket scenarios that arise
When something comes up, and you need to figure out if it works for you or not, play it out.
Have you been working around the clock to pick up others' slack? Are you constantly brushing away your feelings to keep the peace in a relationship? Are you stretching yourself out financially for someone else?
If you are not feeling good about something that keeps happening, it's time to take action.
Setting your boundaries
Once clear on what's making you uncomfortable, you must communicate where you draw the line. If someone does something that bothers you, and you haven't shared it, whelp, that's on you.
However, if you have spoken to them and they continue to do this, time to cut them from your team. If you expressed your feelings and they got mad at you, that's their problem. You have every right to calmly and thoughtfully communicate your feelings. This can be said for work, dating, and family; I don't care who it is; they should be able to hear your concerns and work through them. That's how respect works.
Did you sacrifice your time for work, and then it became a regular occurrence? Time to speak up. It's not your job to permanently compensate for your company's lack of resources. Did you communicate something that bothered you to a friend, family member, or significant other? Then they proceeded to treat you STILL this way? Did you tell someone you needed something, and they blew up at you?
Then repeat after me:
We DO NOT have time for those who can't respect our boundaries. Byeee.
It doesn't matter who or what it is to you. If it's not feeding you, it's not the right fit. Set your boundaries. PERIOD!
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